I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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