I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
