I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
