You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
