How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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