so explain again why im purple
no
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
