If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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