you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
