Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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