I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
