I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
