and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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