More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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