Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
