so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
