Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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