Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
