So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
