Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
