they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
