I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
No subtext here. People are naked.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
