I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
