U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
