if only i could text you this smell
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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