Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
