Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
