I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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