We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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