she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
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