I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
