he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
