she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My ass is underappreciated
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
