Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
