I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
