Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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