she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
