sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Be still, my beating vagina.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Randomize
