Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
