she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
