He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
