Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
