You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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