I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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