I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
