I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm getting married
To pizza
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
