I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
