I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
