He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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