I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
