Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
