Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He better not be in your backpack
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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